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May 15 2012
By: devilmosh First Son 31 posts
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Playstation literally keeps me functioning each day.

9 replies 29 views Edited May 15, 2012

I'm sorry I don't post here often, but I'm an avid reader of the Playstation blog and wanted to share my story.

I suffer from Conversion Disorder, which means that my brain converts any change in emotion, stress, fatique, being startled, all sorts of things into what they call non-epileptic seizures. Generally, one of two things happen: I go completely limp and remain paralyzed from anywhere from minutes to an hour or longer; or the exact opposite happens, where every muscle in my body twists and spasms into a horribly painful full-body charley horse (which also lasts for a long time). I'm awake and aware throughout either type of seizure, and I'm most certainly disabled from it as it happens several times a day.

For those interested, I have more info HERE and I would appreciate any help in spreading awareness for it.

So how does Playstation help? I first picked up a Playstation 3 in late 2009 mainly to play blu rays and for Netflix. The blu ray quality cannot be matched! Also, I wanted to be able to play the occasional game when my nephew visited. I loved games, but I felt I was too busy for the distraction. See, I also took care of my wife, who is disabled with schizophrenia. I figured if I was to be in front of the television, I should be watching something with her, instead, so her mind is kept occupied.

Then all of my problems started and Playstation became a key factor in my life. I'm stuck in a recliner most of the day, using a cane or a walker to get around when I can, and I'm constantly in pain despite the medicine that keeps it from being more excruciating.

After a seizure, the first thing I ask for when I'm able to talk and/or move again is my Playstation controller. My vision is often blurred and my speech slurred, etc, but I can look at our big screen and move my fingers. I fire up something like Zen Pinball and I feel my focus returning. My hands are obeying what my mind tells them to do again. My strength comes back much faster and I can concentrate again.

Sometimes, I'll do this when I feel a seizure coming on (though at times they're far too sudden) and playing a game can actually prevent a seizure. Rest assured, these are not the vision based seizures like some epileptics. It's a completely different monster.

Since I can't drive (I miss my shiny red car!), the racing games give me some peace, as well. When the pain seems unbearable, I break out Killzone and let off some steam!

And as for my wife, well, she enjoys watching. Playstation Home has become a favorite of ours. She loves to race Dolphys and I'm a Sodium and Novus Prime junkie. Also, we've found games like Flower and Journey to be extremely therapeutic for both of us, and I've sent emails to the company thanking them for this.

I could go on forever, but I'll leave off with how we signed up almost a year ago to Playstation Plus and it's been the best thing yet. I'm stuck here at home, after all, living off of disability so we're not made of money. And it's like Sony is giving me all these games either for free or at affordable prices, every single month. I can never get bored, and as I come out of that routine haze of pain and confusion, I can see that "PS" symbol in my hands and smile, knowing it's all coming back to me soon.

Thank you.

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First Son
Registered: 05/15/2012
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Re: Playstation literally keeps me functioning each day.

May 19, 2012

I thought you were gonna win. Then i saw the dates on the previosu winners post. Expect Foster,

winner are choosen weeks in advance. Maybe we'll both be choosen

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First Son
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Re: Playstation literally keeps me functioning each day.

May 19, 2012

I read your pm and yeah your right, it's suprising that even today there are rare and incurable conditions..At least we have playstation and good ppl like you to spread awarenss.

Btw i won that battle with the mice but they won the war. I'm moving out. I'll let my sloppy roomates deal with em.It They are the ones leaving food around and they know its attracting them and they still do it. . Whatever. Let slobs stay with slobs..

I dont want those mice chewing my ethernet cables so i better move now.

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First Son
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Re: Playstation literally keeps me functioning each day.

May 19, 2012

It's nice to see this week's winner going to a vet, and especially someone who'd lost all those games. It looks like he had a great attitude about it all, looking to the bright side, etc. Attitude can really get you through the toughest of situations, and of course, Playstation

Thanks again for your kind words! My muscles have been screaming these past few days from some especially nasty dystonic seizures, and as always, Playstation is there. I've been working on the GT Academy game while coming back around. I know I can't win the driving position (naturally! I'm disabled!) but I'm enjoying the free challenges and winning the new cars for the GT5 game.

Oh yeah, if there is food around, the mice will never leave. When I was a teen in Florida, I had a roommate that caused this huge roach infestation. I couldn't figure out where they were coming from but it was a nightmare! We finally had to bomb the place (Nuketown!), but when the guy moved out, we found all this nasty fast food garbage stuffed between his bed mattresses. Gross! And his room was right under my living quarters, so all the critters he was attracting were coming straight up to me! So yep, no amount of claymores will fight that, lol Since he was gone, though, we were able to get rid of the source and the problem cleared up quickly.

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First Son
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Re: Playstation literally keeps me functioning each day.

May 19, 2012

devilmosh wrote:

It's nice to see this week's winner going to a vet, and especially someone who'd lost all those games. It looks like he had a great attitude about it all, looking to the bright side, etc. Attitude can really get you through the toughest of situations, and of course, Playstation

Thanks again for your kind words! My muscles have been screaming these past few days from some especially nasty dystonic seizures, and as always, Playstation is there. I've been working on the GT Academy game while coming back around. I know I can't win the driving position (naturally! I'm disabled!) but I'm enjoying the free challenges and winning the new cars for the GT5 game.

Oh yeah, if there is food around, the mice will never leave. When I was a teen in Florida, I had a roommate that caused this huge roach infestation. I couldn't figure out where they were coming from but it was a nightmare! We finally had to bomb the place (Nuketown!), but when the guy moved out, we found all this nasty fast food garbage stuffed between his bed mattresses. Gross! And his room was right under my living quarters, so all the critters he was attracting were coming straight up to me! So yep, no amount of claymores will fight that, lol Since he was gone, though, we were able to get rid of the source and the problem cleared up quickly.

lol. this place was bombed too ( MOAB ) but the people kept there old messy habits

and the vermin respawned like nazi zombies.

You were able to get rid of the source thats great. I cant get rid of people lol. So im moving (HOST MIGRATION!)

im posting your  web page on my facebook. Maybe one of friends is friends with Dr Oz or can just spread the word for someone else in the future.

I liked Gt academy but I like dirt showdown mp demo even more fun. Smashing cars online never get old.

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First Son
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Re: Playstation literally keeps me functioning each day.

May 20, 2012

I appreciate your help in spreading the word. I was really fortunate that my neurologist has a special interest in Conversion Disorder, but there's still a big mystery around it. All they can do is try to keep things comfortable with medication. For many people with it, the source is some deep-seated psychological issue and the brain is using the trauma to convert stress into physical symptoms, but for me, it's mainly over an old head injury thanks to a car accident when I was seventeen. It just crept up on me slowly over the years and finally hit hardcore when I reached a certain age. So therapy won't help because I wasn't emotionally scarred over it that I know of. I just have to deal.

Dirt Showdown is awesome! Oh yeah, while straight-up racing is fun, I get really giddy over vehicular mayhem like Motorstorm or Twisted Metal. I hadn't even known about Dirt Showdown until I read about it in Playstation Magazine, so when I saw the demo was coming out, I was all over that! Great stuff!

And what's funny is I used to only like the arcade-style racing games, and I thought simulated racing was boring, but when Playstation Plus hooked us up with Shift 2 recently, I realized I like them more now. I think it's because I miss driving in real life. So GT Academy got me to order GT 5 and in the months ahead, I intend to work on the Dirt games.

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Re: Playstation literally keeps me functioning each day.

Jun 1, 2012

Got a call this week that they've scheduled me for a 5-day stay at the hospital in late August, where they'll keep an EEG and video camera on me the entire time to study my seizures better. They'd tried something similar overnight back in 2010 but couldn't get much data. Since everything is so much worse since then, however, they think they may get better data. They're bringing other specialists on board to look into it, as well.

It's a ways off but wish me luck! Been a rough week, otherwise, but I've been getting into Final Fantasy VII (picked up when it was on sale a few months ago) and it's been getting me through. I know I'm very late in the game - no pun intended - but wow! It rocks!

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Re: Playstation literally keeps me functioning each day.

Jun 7, 2012

A guest blog of mine was just posted on a Conversion Disorder site about one of my experiences with it. Check it out HERE, if you will

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Re: Playstation literally keeps me functioning each day.

Jun 7, 2012

devilmosh wrote:

A guest blog of mine was just posted on a Conversion Disorder site about one of my experiences with it. Check it out HERE, if you will

Guess I wasnt too lazy to login to psn after all. Just read some of your article .I think you should consider talking to some indy film makers or college students about making a film about your story.

I was afraid to post this earlier cause I though it might not be appropriate.  But I was thinking after reading that stress causes you body to react violently that you might want to see yourself as the Bruce Banner before turning into the Hulk. He learned budist stress relieving techniques. Some people try anger management classes. Others take drugs like medical marijanna to calm them down. Have you thought about any of those?  If I offended you I'm sorry. I didnt how else to put it. I don't know if they would help or not. I wanted to research it before saying anything but I kept putting it off so I decided to just say it without doing any research.

Also, I saw an episode of this guy in a wheelchair who has his wife to support him while dealing with his feelings and challenges and trying to make the best of his situation. Its not the same as your as your situation. But I couldn't keep silent about it and had to share it. Especially after spending so much time talking to you here. I hoped I helped and I hope you like the video. I really did and so did alot of other people. Skip to 1:36 on the video.


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First Son
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Re: Playstation literally keeps me functioning each day.

Jun 7, 2012

No offense taken at all! And your Hulk comparison is actually pretty accurate. When Banner gets stressed, the Hulk takes over and if people react to him (naturally) and cause him more stress, he gets larger and angrier, like a fire burning out of control.

Likewise, stress triggers my seizures and if people cause a fuss around me, I may not be able to react, but inside, I'm stressing out that much more because I know I'm starting a scene. So my seizures worsen until I'm twisting and shaking for longer periods of time, and it won't stop until I'm either pumped up full of Benadryl or people calm down around me.

This has happened a few times in the house when people were over and didn't understand, which got me in the hospital overnight, and it happened a few times in the hospital. I was getting one of those scans where they inject fluid into your veins so things show up better, and it caused this warm sensation all over. Despite their being warned, there's really no way of preparing people for what I go through. The odd feeling was enough to kick in a cataplectic seizure so I stopped moving, staring straight up with very slow breathing. The nurses thought they'd killed me! So they panicked. They called ER doctors in and everyone was gathering around me. This caused more stress, so the dystonia kicked in and the full body muscle spasms kicked in. Fortunately, my wife and mother were upstairs in my room, so when the nurses called up there, they were told to just leave me alone and bring me back up.

As for techniques, years of keeping my wife calm from her episodes help with that. They also have me on some muscle relaxers to help with the pain (which is stressful, lol) and Prozac, not for depression but as a mood stabilizer so my emotions can be kept in check easier. I get less upset or excited so this keeps the seizure frequency down a bit.

And of course, games like Journey, Flower, and anything that I can zone out on help incredibly. I know I'd mentioned it already, but I'm so thankful to have them. Thanks to Playstation Plus giving us that truckload of games this week, I've finally been getting into Little Big Planet 2, and I'm enjoying that. My wife also loves watching Sackboy and all the hijinks, so thanks again for that and all the others, PS!

That Tony Robbins video looks great! I'll be checking that out. Thanks for sharing!

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