Dec 08 2006
By: efreet~ Sackboy 487 posts

i need help

1 replies 5 views Edited Dec 8, 2006
guys maybe im on the wrong place but i desperatly neeed help on my argumantive essay all i need is help wiht my sentence structure because thats where i always get low grades well if anyine is interested iin helping me just highlight where i have a mistake or something so i can fix it thanks for those that can help me.


Dying Piece by Piece

In today’s world we see advertisements that have these models that are really thin. Some may be thin and there are other that just look like brooms. Also, this body image that we see everyday has become the normal body image that is acceptable in our society and that is because we have become adapted to this figure because we see it everyday. Since we have become adapted to this body image women and men try to achieve this body image because it is the only one that fits in our minds. The figure we see in the advertisements is extremely slender almost unreal. At time it is rare to see when the body is naturally skinny, but there are other people that make their body look that way. These people make their body that way by starving themselves to a point that is impossible to imagine how they look like, soon after they develop an eating disorder which has fatal effects.

Advertisements are everywhere, TV, billboards, commercials, etc. We see these girls that are portrayed in these advertisements and all of them have the perfect body image that everyone likes, this is because advertisement companies turn the models into impossible beings by pressuring them on their work or telling them they are fat or their body does not look right. These models that work in the modeling industry may starve themselves because of the pressure they get form their jobs, soon after, they develop an eating disorder and this can lead to death. Why do they do this? Some models say that its their goal to be in the modeling industry others say they do it to be accepted, so people will like them. In other words these models prefer death instead of living and enjoying their life.

There are some people that are not against eating disorder, in the other hand they are for it. The majority who says this are people who suffer from a eating disorder. Their reason to like (replace ’like’ because do they REALLY like having it?) having the eating disorder was that they finally fitted in our society, that they do not feel excluded from the people around her. These were their reasons why they prefer in favor of eating disorders, but they never taught about how their closest friends and family felt. Probably their families felt horrendous seeing their son/daughter kill themselves little by little they only taught for themselves they never stop and think about the effects of this disease.

Everyone knows the effect that grown up people have when they see those advertisements with the perfect body image they go and buy the product they see, but what happens to teenagers when they see this kind of advertisements? Models play a big role on how teenagers might think in the future, because when they see these people on TV teenagers get impressed how good they look and they get the Idea that they should look like that. Also they start to feel pressure because they see that everyone is somewhat slender. That is when they want to look slimmer than everybody else. This taught keeps on revolving on their minds making them look at themselves as a fat person then this becomes an eating disorder because they will stop eating or be afraid of food. If this condition is not stopped this eating disorder can get to be deadly.

In conclusion, I believe that the way that the models are displayed in advertisements have an effect on our society. Not only is our society being affected, but teenagers, little kids and specially women because women have the highest numbers of “eating disorders. Just how the documentary “killing us softly” stated that advertisements have a great impact in our society is true there is proof, numbers, people that have had this disease.




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Fender Bender
Registered: 09/06/2006
3322 posts

Re: i need help

Dec 8, 2006
You know, microsoft word 2003 highlights sentence fragments and such in green.
You might want to check that out.
Im sure nobody here wants to proofread this whole thing.
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