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Fender Bender
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Re: Need advice for a question my friend asked me ?

May 15, 2014

Sweet2525 wrote:

dc4daniel wrote:

Go to your friends' friend, behind her back.  Stare into her eyes.  And tell her "If you have a problem with my friend, then you have a problem with ME".

 

If she's defiant, then its time to throwdown.


Time for a rumble..lol.

Yes Smiley Very Happy. Actions speak louder than words.  She'll get the message lol

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Platinum
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Re: Need advice for a question my friend asked me ?

May 15, 2014

That is because your friend is a good person with a kind heart.  People who are like this need others in their life to let them know when someone is poisoning their life as the good person will keep trying to "fix" or "help" the other person be better.   I know from experience Smiley Wink.

 

 

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Last Guardian
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Re: Need advice for a question my friend asked me ?

May 16, 2014

PLYMCO_PILGRIM wrote:

That is because your friend is a good person with a kind heart.  People who are like this need others in their life to let them know when someone is poisoning their life as the good person will keep trying to "fix" or "help" the other person be better.   I know from experience Smiley Wink.

 

 


She is a nice person I must say. Like I said she has her ways but does not need to be treat this way. We all make mistakes in life. Her friend likes to give orders and does not ask how she feels about what she said. Its like sometimes very one sided. Good advice poster
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MVP Support
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Re: Need advice for a question my friend asked me ?

May 16, 2014

This 'friend' is not a 'friend' at all, this is a form of bullying, albeit more subtle, but over time this will affect your friend, they need to either tell them how they feel or get as far away as possible from them.

 

BRIT-KO

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Ghost of Sparta
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Re: Need advice for a question my friend asked me ?

May 16, 2014
I'm 95% certain this is a forum thing.

Remember the bully at the supermarket where Sweet worked?

Ya.
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Last Guardian
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Re: Need advice for a question my friend asked me ?

[ Edited ]
May 16, 2014

BRIT-KO wrote:

This 'friend' is not a 'friend' at all, this is a form of bullying, albeit more subtle, but over time this will affect your friend, they need to either tell them how they feel or get as far away as possible from them.

 

BRIT-KO


Thanks Brit. I took everyones notes and I'll speak to her tomorrow. Thanks for your info everyone. I kind of knew what to do but I just wanted some futher advice. Have a good night..
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Treasure Hunter
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Re: Need advice for a question my friend asked me ?

May 16, 2014

Sweet2525 wrote:
My Friend has this friend she is concerned about. She told me they have been friends for a while. This friend corrects her in public and makes her feel uneasy. But if she does something the friend that calls her out in public has a fit and does not talk to her for days. This person has never said they were sorry for anything since she says she has known her. This person is helpful at times to my friend and they seem to get along great. But she says this persons turns on her fast if things go wrong. Ok she asked me also how can they come to terms and get along better. My friend said she gets hurt a lot. example if she does well on something her friend gets mad and blows her off and makes like nothing is happening at times. Like her Birthday etc. I told my friend I'd get back to her soon. Any advice ? I know my friend for a while and she is an easy going person. She has her faults as well but never says a bad word to this person. But in return she gets cursed out etc..I think both of them have faults but must figure out how to get along better..

As my dear old papa the judge would say, "There's two sides to every story."

Maybe you need to talk the friend of your friend to get their side - as most people who are asking for relationship advice usually paint themselves as the helpless angel in the relationship. I don't know maybe try and be the moderator and schedule a peace talk.

Other then that theres not much you can do but comfort your friend when needed, or maybe buy them a gift to cheer them up.

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Survivor
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Re: Need advice for a question my friend asked me ?

May 16, 2014
You know the situation way better than any of us. Any advice we give is going to just be a wild shot in the dark.

Since others already gave opinions I'll go ahead and play devils advocate. You can decide for yourself what rings the most true.

Your friend is an enabler for that girl. She allows her to continue her poor behavior because she sticks around and continues being friends regardless of how the girl behaves. There are consequences for poor behavior and that girl needs to experience it.

You are an enabler for your friend. She continuously allows someone to abuse her and instead of doing something about it she just comes crying to you. And you play your part by listening and trying to fix things.

People do not do things unless they are getting something out of it. Let me re-say that. People do not do things unless they are getting something out of it. Your friend must be getting something she wants (and yes being abused is sometimes something people desire) from that woman. She is also getting something out of you (sympathy maybe?).

If you're ok with things as they are then just let it continue. If you aren't getting what you want out of the friendship you need to give some tough love. Let your friend know that you're not doing it anymore. Be firm and walk away. Your friend will decide to do something for herself real quick if she understands she is going to lose something by not fixing things. She will either quit that dysfunctional friendship to keep a healthy one with you or she will abandon your friendship to stay in one she complains about (but obviously really wants). Either way you are better off.

(I know I said all of that as "matter of fact" because it's easier to get a point across sometimes without all of the "maybe" and "if-then" speak. And honestly without knowing much about whats really going on we all could "if-then" ourselves all day long. If I'm wrong with my initial assumptions, which you will know internally, then discard my advice. Either way good luck.)
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Fender Bender
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Re: Need advice for a question my friend asked me ?

May 16, 2014
I used to be in the same position as your friend. Although, I decided to leave the emotionally oblivious friend. I only slightly regret it because that was my only friend. However, your friend still has you. So she should be fine.

It is quite unfortunate to lose a friend, but if you are exhausted with trying to change them, then your options are gone.
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Treasure Hunter
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Re: Need advice for a question my friend asked me ?

May 16, 2014

If she did something wrong and got corrected for it she should just stand up and say I was wrong thank you for pointing it out.

 

if her friend does not talk to her for days maybe its because she is not talking to her friend.

 

why should her friend say sorry if she was the one that needed corrected.

 

what is the reason your friend gets cursed out for. I would think there was a reason.

 

Hate to say it but you make it look like your friend is at fault not her friend

 

her friend may blow it off like nothing happened because she feels nothing did happen. A mistake was made she stood up to it but still likes her. Getting corrected by a friend is not always a bad thing maybe they are trying to help or just give you their opinion. Thats the best time to talk back and give your own opinion. Also a good time to keep feelings and cursing out of the conversation. Time to come to a agreement even if its to disagree. keep it civil and walk away still friends. If one can not do this I dont think the word friends still works they become some one you just know not a friend.


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