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Fender Bender
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Re: My guess on why we say "I'm sorry"

Aug 25, 2013

I think the term "I'm sorry" has been overused to the point that people automatically say it and it means nothing.

Or they say it to get out of something, hoping it will satisfy the person they are saying it to, so they can continue on as if nothing happened.

 

I think the term we should use is "I apologize", as this term for me has more meaning to it, even though it basically means the same as "I'm sorry".

 

I've said I'm sorry to people, but when I stop and look at them and say "you know what? I apologize", the person seems genuinely more accepting of the apology.



If we took just five minutes, to recognize each others beauty, instead of attacking each other for our differences .............
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Re: My guess on why we say "I'm sorry"

Aug 25, 2013
yeah, something with the word apologize. thats the direction i was trying to indirectly go for. to make you guys think about what we should say now that you have your mind exposed to seeing "I'm sorry" as being.... kinda... unsatisfying..

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Re: My guess on why we say "I'm sorry"

Aug 25, 2013

PYAWAKITT wrote:

I think the term "I'm sorry" has been overused to the point that people automatically say it and it means nothing.


Same for "i love you".

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Re: My guess on why we say "I'm sorry"

Aug 25, 2013

Gamefreak_09 wrote:

Now come on folks, ever thought about what "I'm sorry" means? i believe it just means we admit we are filled with sorrow. we don't say why, we don't say how much. (sorrow is sadness)

 

since this is said so indirectly towards why, but direct to who you are telling (you often stand before them, blah blah blah) you are assumed to be saying you regret what you did or what happened.

 

But... why do they say "its okay" or "i forgive you"? its because we expect them to notice the main point that we regret the result of whatever happened. Part of this would be.... pity and they say "i forgive you" to make you feel better? Now, Now i am saying from a reasoning standpoint. i am ignoring culture and other biases that can influence this. I am sticking to concepts here. 

 

ANYWAY My assumption is WAYYYY back then people used to say "I am sorry this happened. It is my fault and i realized that. I apologize and I hope you feel this damage isn't permanent" blah blah blah blah

 

point is WHAT IF back then there was SOME kind of long line like that.

 

some people have a lot of pride, don't like admiting they are wrong, and also don't like to feel like they are begging. Could be humility too.

 

My guess is over generations, people slowly abandoned the whole "i apologize, i regret what happened. please forgive me so i can repent and learn from my mistakes" to shorten it little by little. 

 

Eventually "I'm sorry" was good enough, had a general cultural meaning. and BLAMO. "I'm Sorry" now means to apologize, means you regret what happened, and you admit to everything that happened could have been avoided, blah blah blah.

 

pretty weird huh.. 

 

thought about this a while back.. any thoughts?

 

(ps. regret can be very small or obviously big. think about if, as a kid, you kicked someone's shin and your mother tells you to say sorry. immediately you may feel like now this is time you will never get back, or i should not have to or whatever. either you regret selfishly or selflessly.)


Kudos btw for putting this level of thought and effort into a topic we so often take for granted.  The simple "I'm sorry."

 


Up until now, I considered the "I'm sorry to be the pinnavcle of the apology.  For instance if someone says, "I'd like to apologize..." I'd say, "Then go ahead."  I wouldn't be content until I drew the "I'm sorry" from his lips.

 

But is that really the best?  When you boil away the trappings we've crafted over the years, all it really means is that the person feels bad.  In today's society it always seems like it's all about your feelings.  Feelings don't determine right or wrong, good or bad.  Feelings are just how you personally react to something that happened.  The more I think about it, the more pathetic it is to say I'm sorry.

 

What would be better, like you suggested, is a full breakdown of the apology.  People today could get by with simply expressing their feelings and walking away.  That's not the full summation of everything "I'm sorry" is supposed to encapsulate.

a. What I did was wrong.

b. It was wrong for the following reasons...

c. I knew better (or I should have known better).

d. I did it anyway because I foolishly thought...

e. I was wrong in this as well.

f. I regret what I did, and the harm it caused everyone.

g. I will never do that again (or at the very least, I will TRY to never do that again).

h. Please accept my apologies.

i. As some small measure of recompense, I will do/give you the following...  I hope this at least partly makes up for what I did.

j. I really am sorry for doing it.

k. Can you please forgive me?

 

Saying I'm sorry is meant to convey all of this, but in today's touchy-feely society I have to wonder if people simply stop at the point where they tell me how they feel about it.  I feel bad.  It's causing me to lose sleep.  I need to get this off my chest.  I need to feel better soon.  I, I, I.  Me, me, me.

 

That's not a true apology.

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Re: My guess on why we say "I'm sorry"

Aug 25, 2013
@renatabls Psh, people should say 'I wanna marry you' instead
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Re: My guess on why we say "I'm sorry"

Aug 25, 2013

DrGadget wrote:

Gamefreak_09 wrote:

Now come on folks, ever thought about what "I'm sorry" means? i believe it just means we admit we are filled with sorrow. we don't say why, we don't say how much. (sorrow is sadness)

 

since this is said so indirectly towards why, but direct to who you are telling (you often stand before them, blah blah blah) you are assumed to be saying you regret what you did or what happened.

 

But... why do they say "its okay" or "i forgive you"? its because we expect them to notice the main point that we regret the result of whatever happened. Part of this would be.... pity and they say "i forgive you" to make you feel better? Now, Now i am saying from a reasoning standpoint. i am ignoring culture and other biases that can influence this. I am sticking to concepts here. 

 

ANYWAY My assumption is WAYYYY back then people used to say "I am sorry this happened. It is my fault and i realized that. I apologize and I hope you feel this damage isn't permanent" blah blah blah blah

 

point is WHAT IF back then there was SOME kind of long line like that.

 

some people have a lot of pride, don't like admiting they are wrong, and also don't like to feel like they are begging. Could be humility too.

 

My guess is over generations, people slowly abandoned the whole "i apologize, i regret what happened. please forgive me so i can repent and learn from my mistakes" to shorten it little by little. 

 

Eventually "I'm sorry" was good enough, had a general cultural meaning. and BLAMO. "I'm Sorry" now means to apologize, means you regret what happened, and you admit to everything that happened could have been avoided, blah blah blah.

 

pretty weird huh.. 

 

thought about this a while back.. any thoughts?

 

(ps. regret can be very small or obviously big. think about if, as a kid, you kicked someone's shin and your mother tells you to say sorry. immediately you may feel like now this is time you will never get back, or i should not have to or whatever. either you regret selfishly or selflessly.)


Kudos btw for putting this level of thought and effort into a topic we so often take for granted.  The simple "I'm sorry."

 


Up until now, I considered the "I'm sorry to be the pinnavcle of the apology.  For instance if someone says, "I'd like to apologize..." I'd say, "Then go ahead."  I wouldn't be content until I drew the "I'm sorry" from his lips.

 

But is that really the best?  When you boil away the trappings we've crafted over the years, all it really means is that the person feels bad.  In today's society it always seems like it's all about your feelings.  Feelings don't determine right or wrong, good or bad.  Feelings are just how you personally react to something that happened.  The more I think about it, the more pathetic it is to say I'm sorry.

 

What would be better, like you suggested, is a full breakdown of the apology.  People today could get by with simply expressing their feelings and walking away.  That's not the full summation of everything "I'm sorry" is supposed to encapsulate.

a. What I did was wrong.

b. It was wrong for the following reasons...

c. I knew better (or I should have known better).

d. I did it anyway because I foolishly thought...

e. I was wrong in this as well.

f. I regret what I did, and the harm it caused everyone.

g. I will never do that again (or at the very least, I will TRY to never do that again).

h. Please accept my apologies.

i. As some small measure of recompense, I will do/give you the following...  I hope this at least partly makes up for what I did.

j. I really am sorry for doing it.

k. Can you please forgive me?

 

Saying I'm sorry is meant to convey all of this, but in today's touchy-feely society I have to wonder if people simply stop at the point where they tell me how they feel about it.  I feel bad.  It's causing me to lose sleep.  I need to get this off my chest.  I need to feel better soon.  I, I, I.  Me, me, me.

 

That's not a true apology.


thanks!

 

and yes. apologizing should be more selfless and less selfish! took me a couple seconds to get the I,I,I and me,me,me part of what you said. yeah its important to not focus on putting your own mind at rest, but to do it because you feel it was something that really shouldn't have happened ehhh well its hard to classify but you get it.

 

now how can we make a line that supports parts a-k?...

 

we can go with a start like...

 

"Although this did happen, i wish to-"

saying "what happened shouldn't have" can lead to people saying "WELL IT DID!" this way you are already starting off giving the impression you know it happened and sets you up to say more... right?

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Re: My guess on why we say "I'm sorry"

Aug 25, 2013

renatabls wrote:

PYAWAKITT wrote:

I think the term "I'm sorry" has been overused to the point that people automatically say it and it means nothing.


Same for "i love you".


"Love means never having to say you're sorry."

                                                   Jennifer Cavelleri

                                                   "Love Story"

BTW... The worst movie quote and "notion" ever...

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Re: My guess on why we say "I'm sorry"

Aug 25, 2013

I'm sorry I read this thread. 

Sorry, I didn't mean that... Smiley Indifferent

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Re: My guess on why we say "I'm sorry"

Aug 28, 2013

I say I'm sorry when I know I did something wrong and want to let those involved know "I get it".  

 

I sometimes say it in situations that I don't mean it as a sarcastic thing........ "Oh I'm sooooo sorry I just smoked you in that race"  Smiley Tongue

 

 

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