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Oct 08 2012
By: miguelin123 Hekseville Citizen 433 posts
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Girlfriend Issues... Mature topic

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25 replies 442 views Edited Oct 8, 2012

I know you might ask me why I'm putting this type of topic on a videogame forum. I am freaking stressed out to the max, I need to vent haha and I need insight from guys and girls who are kind of closely related to me through one of my favorite hobbies (videogames). Plus, I don't know all of you so it's kind of not really going to affect you guys haha. Try to take me seriously, guys, I need your help. Excuse my spelling mistakes (grammar Nazis). =) DON'T JUDGE ME haha

So, I love my fiancee. We've been going out for quite a while now. I trust her, I love her more than myself, she's my bestfriend, she had a past but that's overwith. She mostly hangs out with guys, guys she grew up with in church and in school. This doesn't bother me. They are all cool and good guys, love her like family. But there is ONE guy who just rubs me wrong. He is a nie guy don't get me wrong but when she was 16 he took her virginity. (I wasn't going out with her, we started going out when she was 19). So basically, they had sex for about a couple times for a couple months when she was 16 going onto 17. But that was more than five/six years ago. They grew up together and she is like family to his family and they are basicaly really good friends. I'm in great terms with him and he is with me but I feel tension being around him knowing their past. I know there is nothing between them but it still bothers me quite a bit. It also makes me uncomfortable how her childhood guy friends come over her house when I'm not there (and when I'm there) till late hours (1-3 am). I tell her it makes me uncomfortable and she says I don't trust her. And to make things worse she acts completely different around her friends, it pisses me off. Holy **bleep**... I'm just freaking stressed and confused. Don't get me wrong she'll die for me anyday and she loves me so much, she even proposed to ME 8 months ago. SHE LOVES ME. I tell her what's up and she KNOWS how to treat me. I make mistakes too, we talk about it and it's done. But this is just a bothersome thing that's been always bothering me. They are her life-long guy friends, what can I do about it? (rhetorical)

Anyone have any thoughts, suggestions, comments, etc? I just need help. 

Thanks guys and gals. 

 

P.S. My fiancee's name is Tiny. That IS on her birth cirtificate. Haha Just a fun fact

 

P.P.S If you have any questions just ask me if you're confused. 

miguelin123
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Fender Bender
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Re: Girlfriend Issues... Mature topic

Oct 9, 2012

Tough one LOL.  I think you have to go with your gut feeling on this.  IMO everytime a girl has "guy friends", usually there's at least one guy who wants to hit it.  If she has all gay friends, you have nothing to worry about.

 

You said this dude took her virginity and he's still hanging out with her.  I think that's a red flag there.  Shouldn't he be looking for another girl?  Why the hell would he still spending that much time with his ex?  It sounds like he's not even over her yet.  I know they are close family friends but I still think there's a chance he's still trying to hit.  It's not that hard to convince an ex to have sex and if you add alcohol to the mix too... Oh snap.

 

Also, what kind of vibes are you getting from this **bleep**?  Is he giving you dirty looks? Do you get this weird attitude from him?  You say he stays there until 1-3 am at times when your not around.  Is he hanging out with her the whole time or her family?  There's so many red flags in this story LOL.

 

I think if you can take this guy and his friends in a fight, then you have nothing to worry about.  But tough situation though.  I bet you want to beat the crap out of this guy but don't want to look like the insecure paranoid bf at the same time LOL.   Him hanging around with your fiancee all the time is kind of a slap to the face.  That's kind of disrespectful.

 

Those are my thoughts on it.  I'm not encouraging you to call him out in a fight but it would be cool jk.  Trust me, I hate THAT guy lol.

 

 

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Treasure Hunter
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Re: Girlfriend Issues... Mature topic

Oct 9, 2012
If she loves you as much as you say, she would understand your concerns and not dismiss them, like she's doing.



Survivor of an earthquake, hurricane, and multiple tornadoes in one week. g@m
Halladay, Lee, Hamels, Utley, Pence, Price, Longo, Briere, Jags

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Keyblade Wielder
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Re: Girlfriend Issues... Mature topic

Oct 9, 2012
My advice: just talk to the guy friend. Tell him how you feel.
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Lombax Warrior
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Re: Girlfriend Issues... Mature topic

Oct 9, 2012

I couldn't imagine how much this is killing you inside. She should respect your feelings in the relationship, hanging out with guy friends until 3am when you are not there is unacceptable. She is just showing immaturity by just saying you have trust issues. Before you say "I do" resollve this issue, because it will not get any better. You need to ask yourself "Is the relationship worth it, if I'm just going to be miserable?" Good luck, I hope she ends up understanding you.

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Treasure Hunter
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Re: Girlfriend Issues... Mature topic

Oct 9, 2012

WHiskey Tango Foxtrot?  There is a general rule, and as a guy you should know this...

 

Girls/Women can have friends who are "guys", and not have any desire to sleep with them.  Now guys they have already slept with, I will get back to that.  For now, Women will always have friends that are guys, but women are more picky sexually.  

 

Guys, on the other hand, do not have women who are merely friends.  It is like Chris Rock said, guys don't have "friends" that are women, they just know woman they haven't *bleeped* yet.

 

This being said, I do not know you or your girl at all, so this is a generalization.  

 

You said SHE proposed to you, and not the other way around?  That is odd, in and of itself.  Did you get her a ring, after SHE proposed?  Do you make crazy money?  Does she have her own occupation?  You mentioned "her" house; does she live alone, or at home with the folks?  There are a lot more qualifying questions here, and no straight answer for this, so please bear with me.

 

Without the answers to the above questions in hand, and generally speaking of course, if you have not contracted any STDs thus far, it is one indicator that you may be OK.  Although, not everyone carries an STD, despite what they teach in Health Classes.  So this is not a fool proof piece of evidence.  

 

On a personal level, do you use contraception, assuming you are sexually active with her on a regular basis?  If so, is it the pill, condoms, diaphragm, internal feminine contraception, injected contraception, or any other form?  If you use condoms, do you always provide them, does she keep any where she resides?  If she keeps some with her, you could always keep a count, and see if some are missing.  Again, this is not fool proof either, merely an idea.  Of course any personal investigation like this, you would have to be careful about.

 

I will wait to see if you answer any of my questions, before I try to help you more.  

 

One thing is for certain; if you do not feel you can trust her, no matter how much you love her, then perhaps you should walk away.  It is not worth staying in a relationship that you will forever question.  Sooner or later, you may find your suspicions are valid, or your suspicions may serve to drive her away.  In all likelihood, this may push her closer to the guy she lost her virginity to.  He would make a great shoulder to cry on, and one thing may lead to another.

 

I will await any answers from you.

 

Moble

 

Oh, BTW, does she go on this Forum or another PSN server, and does she know your ID.  You may already be F'd

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Lombax Warrior
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Re: Girlfriend Issues... Mature topic

Oct 10, 2012
Ok your a dude what is on your mind 24/7 seriously, If she loves you as much as you say she does she should care about being with you and not him. I would tell her that it makes you unhappy when she is around him and if she cant let him go for you then she has the problem and you should be worried at that point. If she is going to marry you and loves you as much as you say, she shouldnt be that worried about keeping a X around.
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Treasure Hunter
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Re: Girlfriend Issues... Mature topic

Oct 10, 2012

sstfamily wrote:
Ok your a dude what is on your mind 24/7 seriously, If she loves you as much as you say she does she should care about being with you and not him. I would tell her that it makes you unhappy when she is around him and if she cant let him go for you then she has the problem and you should be worried at that point. If she is going to marry you and loves you as much as you say, she shouldnt be that worried about keeping a X around.

Well stated.  Ask her if she would mind, if you started hanging out with some of your Exs, and a few of the girls from your work.  She might not like that.  If she doesn't mind, then she either doesn't care either way, or she is just playing along.

 

Moble

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Welcoming Committee
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Re: Girlfriend Issues... Mature topic

Oct 10, 2012

miguelin123 wrote:
I know there is nothing between them but it still bothers me quite a bit. It also makes me uncomfortable how her childhood guy friends come over her house when I'm not there (and when I'm there) till late hours (1-3 am). I tell her it makes me uncomfortable and she says I don't trust her. And to make things worse she acts completely different around her friends, it pisses me off. 

 

OK this is the sticking point.  She says you don't trust her, and that's true.  You don't.  But it's definitely on her to prove herself trustworthy.

 

Trust is earned.  If it's not earned, then it's something other than trust.  She needs to earn it.

 

She is your fiancee.  That means you intend to marry her in the near future.  Here is how that works.  It's like a pyramid.

 

Marriage

Love

Trust

Communication

Truth

Christ

 

One depends on the other.  Without love, the marriage falls apart.  Without trust, you can't truly love her.  Without open communication, there is no trust.  Without truth, there is no real communication.  And without Christ, there is no truth.

 

Let's focus in at the Trust level.  If you can't trust her (and you can't) then what you think of as love will fall apart.  The marriage is doomed before you start.  And it is 100% on her to earn this trust.  She doesn't seem to care about doing this, and is trying to dump it all on you as being a non-trusting person.

 

Being a non-trusting person is not a bad thing.  Most people are untrustworthy.  There are very few that I trust, and that's the way it should be.

 

In many marriage ceremonies, they ask the couple if they are willing to love their spouse to the exclusion of all others.  I really think this is vital.  There should be nobody on earth that you love more than her.  There should be nobody she loves more than you.

 

Many people, especially the women, get this confused.  They often love their children more than their husbands.  This is flat-out wrong.  You didn't make a public vow to love your children, for better for worse, etc., etc.  There should be NOBODY on this planet that she loves more than you.  Period.  Not her parents.  Not your eventual children.  Nobody.  And definitely not some ex-lover guy who hangs out at your place until 3AM.

 

She needs to launch that guy.  She needs to tell him goodbye and never come back.  That alone will earn your trust and you can proceed.  Failing that, the trust is broken, the love will fail, and your marriage is doomed.

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Treasure Hunter
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Re: Girlfriend Issues... Mature topic

Oct 10, 2012
Why is Christ so important?



Survivor of an earthquake, hurricane, and multiple tornadoes in one week. g@m
Halladay, Lee, Hamels, Utley, Pence, Price, Longo, Briere, Jags

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