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Jul 03 2013
By: Grundberg I Only Post Everything 1299 posts
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25 Ways "Grand Theft Auto V" Could Suck

[ Edited ]
7 replies 278 views Edited Jul 3, 2013
GTA V suck.png

 

I firmly believe that Grand Theft Auto V may be the franchise's greatest edition we've ever played. However, we could all be wrong and this game could absolutely suck -- which it won't. I'm just saying, if it does, it could suck in so many ways. Once again, it won't suck, but I'm just saying, if it did...these would be the reasons why.

 

 

They're going to delay the game another five months.
 
The game has so much content it needs to run on two discs.
 
Half the trophies are glitched. So if you're a trophy fanatic, play the game very carefully.
 
"Loading…loading…loading…loading…"
 
Most of the essential movement and combat functions of the game require the PlayStation Move controllers.
 
All gameplay consists entirely of cinematic cutscenes.
 
The city is 500% more aware of your criminal activity. The more mischief you conduct, the more wanted posters appear and the more everyone can recognize you and your wrongdoings. You never reach the end of the game.
 
Since GTA IV, all the cops in the game have retaken and mastered their drivers' tests multiple times. So they're much more aware, quicker and more clever than before.
 
The three characters are so popular that your cell phone will ring every five minutes.
 
All your weapons and cash are in a large duffel bag you have to haul all the time.
 
When you're driving at a higher speed than the PS3 can calculate, the draw distance is so slow that you drive off the map and plummet through Blue Hell infinitely.
 
The Wanted Level meter can go up to ten stars.
 
Bodily needs and functions will be intact, and you are notified of every single one. "You're hungry." "You're tired." "You have to take a ____." "You're constipated." "You feel sick." "You don't feel like doing that right now."
 
None of the three characters knows how to swim…or step up a curb without tripping.
 
All the common rules of traffic are in effect and they're enforced brutally: driving over the speed limit, littering, illegal parking, running red lights (and yellow ones), not using your signals, not using your headlights, having your seat belt (yes, a seat belt) unbuckled, texting…I'll stop there.
 
Multiplayer mode will be horrendously overrun by misbehaved, unsupervised children proudly sporting their bad attitude, vulgar language and serious lack of player etiquette.
 
You can make several thousand dollars on missions, but the game only has a few things you can spend your money on.
 
Every in-game item you purchase will be taxed.
 
You can't survive thirteen gunshots like the previous main characters have. But the enemies can as they have before.
 
Your characters are vulnerable to really stupid virtual deaths: choking on food, pneumonia, tripping on a curb, getting tapped by a car…again, I'll stop there.
 
When you visit the fast food restaurant, you have to actually sit an entire ten minutes watching your character eat. However, while you wait, you can occasionally hit a button to hear him belch.
 
There's likely to be a hidden Hot Coffee scene, but nobody is allowed to access it for one reason or another.
 
Your character actually has to go to jail.
 
The interior model of every building is only available if you have a jetpack to carry you through the ceiling of the entrance -- which you won't and it can't.
 
No 100% completion reward…none whatsoever.

 

 

Hopefully, none of these things will happen.

Two more months 'til Grand Theft Auto V!

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Lombax Warrior
Registered: 12/08/2008
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Re: 25 Ways "Grand Theft Auto V" Could Suck

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Jul 4, 2013

NICE.

 

I was actually going to make a thread like this. It was going to be titled "NIGHTMARES OF GTA V". But this is good. 

 

Basically, I think that the nightmare scenario would be that GTA V is buggy & glitchy. Based on what's been revealed, there is just a massive amount of aggregate content in this game. There is a lot for them to have to code.

 

On the other hand, though, Rockstar is really good at making tightly programmed games that don't have glitches. So, this nightmare scenario could be moot. 

 

Secondly, I am concerned that the map is so large that we'll be discouraged to explore many areas due to a lack of proper side missions. 

 

To fill this gap (and prevent the game from sucking), their bare necessities need to include:

 

  • Unlimited vigilante missions
  • Unlimited taxicab missions
  • Unlimited firetruck missions
  • Unlimited towtruck missions
  • Unlimited paramedic missions

 

If the game doesn't have these five core side missions then it will be in jeopardy of supreme sucking. Especially considering the gigantic map they are planning to deliver to us. 

 

Long story short, it will suck if it is (A) Buggy and/or (B) Barren. 

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Keyblade Wielder
Registered: 10/02/2011
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Re: 25 Ways "Grand Theft Auto V" Could Suck

Jul 3, 2013
The game has so much content it needs to run on two discs.
^It does on Xbox! Ohhhhhh :smileytongue:
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PlayStation MVP
Registered: 04/26/2007
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Re: 25 Ways "Grand Theft Auto V" Could Suck

Jul 4, 2013

Never say never. There are times when highly anticipated video games have gone downhill. Just look at Grand Theft Auto IV. Good game, but less exceptional than the ones before it. Resident Evil 5 is another one that comes to mind. Good game, but definitely less-than-expected in comparison to the fourth entry.


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I Only Post Everything
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Re: 25 Ways "Grand Theft Auto V" Could Suck

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Jul 4, 2013

I loved Grand Theft Auto IV, I don't remember having any complaints. I didn't consider that one a downhill title -- matter of fact, I played the entire thing three times through. :smileyhappy:

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Uncharted Territory
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Re: 25 Ways "Grand Theft Auto V" Could Suck

Jul 4, 2013

As of right now, only one thing would ruin the game for me...controlling the "three stooges"...I recently picked up MP3 - I must say it is an excellent game, but I don't like having to use both of the analog sticks at the same time while moving around on foot. In GTA we've always had a camera following behind your character as you ran around causing mayhem or whatever, then you'd stop and THEN use the right analog stick to look around and when you started moving again, you'd be moving in whatever direction you were looking. One other thing I've noticed throughout the series is the NPCs always seem to have hyperjets where if mayhem is being generated (not necessarily by you), the NPCs take off running and you can hardly ever catch up to them - even if you have unlimited sprint lol.

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PlayStation MVP
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Re: 25 Ways "Grand Theft Auto V" Could Suck

Jul 4, 2013

Only 1 reason im not buying it:

 

I dont play games if the main character is ugly as sin, and the 3 main characters are. End of story. :smileytongue:

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Keyblade Wielder
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Re: 25 Ways "Grand Theft Auto V" Could Suck

Jul 4, 2013

ccrogers15 wrote:

Only 1 reason im not buying it:

 

I dont play games if the main character is ugly as sin, and the 3 main characters are. End of story. :smileytongue:


Interesting logic on how you choose your games.

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